23 weeks + 1 day

Today is day 3 of my inpatient stay in the hospital. It hasn't been too bad yet.. Although I know it's still just the very beginning. The newness of luxuries, like getting hot meals brought to me in bed and a call button for anything else I need, will soon wear off and I'll get a little stir crazy. Right now the thing helping my sanity is waking up each morning knowing that these boys have remained inside for one more day.. Every day is an accomplishment. 

I love that on my patient board in my room they update how far along I am. Today my nurse wrote 23+1. It definitely might not seem far along to most, but this means that I have stayed pregnant over 2 weeks since baby a's water broke! No infection, no contractions, and babies are both growing. On Monday I had a growth ultrasound and they both were measuring exactly the size they should be to the day. Doctor also found the separating membrane so they are not in the same sac like we had thought! Yay! Baby A did have fluid, and although very small, I was happy there was at least some.

For the most part things have remained status quo luckily. I have contraction and fetal heart rate monitoring at the beginning of each shift, and these have been good. Except the first night they kept picking up only one heartbeat, and after 3 nurses tried to find two, they ordered an ultrasound. I could feel both babies moving so I wasn't too scared, but after the ultrasound tech spent more time than I thought he would (the screen was faced away from me) I got nervous. My sisters were here at the time and they were nervous as well. Fortunately he told me there was nothing to worry about and things were ok! 

I don't have much leaking going on and the doctor this morning said there is a very small chance the sac could have resealed, but it's unlikely. I'm trying to drink as much water as possible to keep fluids going to them, especially baby A. 

We talked with the neonatologist yesterday about what to expect if the babies are born now and each week after. Of course it's scary and the statistics aren't great. He referred to 23 weeks as the "grey zone".. The point where babies will start to live but it is rare and disabilities are very likely. So they leave it up to us to make the call if we want them to just provide comfort care or do everything they can to save them. It's such a hard decision.. I want to fight for them to live, but I also don't want them to have to endure living with severe disabilities. In the end, we decided that we will do a "trial of life". Basically they will do everything they can to save them, and if things aren't looking great after a few days we have the option to switch to comfort care. We felt like we could be reassured that we at least tried but didn't make these babies suffer if things aren't good. Once 24 weeks, they strongly suggest giving babies complete care, and every week after offers much better mortality/morbidity statistics. So our current goal is 24 weeks!

I've had many "firsts" this year and one of them was my first shot in my butt haha. I got steroid shots yesterday and today - completing these was our previous goal. My rear stung for a bit but it was worth it. I feel relieved because these steroids will help boost the lung development of the twins, and if they end up coming soon, this will at least help them fight to make it. We will not know until after delivery how Baby A's lungs will be since his water broke. I'm hoping these steroids will make a huge difference for him.

I have kept myself busy with watching TV, reading, coloring books, games, and visits from my family. Doug has spent the first two nights with me, and even though he sleeps in his cot most of the night, it makes me sleep better just knowing he is in the room with me. Today he will bring Hunter and Landon to see me. I haven't seen them in 2 days so I'm really excited!! I'm also excited for conference this weekend! It will be the first conference in a while that I will really get to hear all the talks without stopping to take care of kids. I really look forward to hearing the words of our prophets and am hoping for some comfort and guidance during this time.

Again, thanks for the love and help and prayers. We are grateful for you all!